Embracing Apprehension

Staged reenactment of a nervous breakdown. 

Today is my first day of grad school and I'm terrified. 

I'm afraid of the unknown. Of failing. Of hating it. I'm afraid of being a terrible student. I'm afraid of the little voice that says, "Are you really sure this is what you should be doing?" 

Last week, I'd had a stressful day. I didn't feel well and the post-holiday, pre-grad school blues were just getting me down. I went to Target armed with a gift card, prepped for a little retail therapy. 

But it just didn't cut it. (Surprise, surprise.)

I left empty handed, still anxious, still with a tightness in my chest. But with a clear idea of where I needed to be. And so I escaped to the place that has always brought comfort: the library. After wandering the labyrinthine shelves and choosing a few precious books to take home, I found that I was breathing easier.  I also found a peace in my heart.

Despite the apprehension and nervousness, it's moments like these that confirm that I'm pursuing my passion. 

And if it turns out that grad school isn't for me? That's ok. Dreams change, but passions are steadfast. If I've learned anything in the past year, it's to follow your heart and to pursue what makes it beat quickly with excitement, in any way possible. 

So, I'm taking these feelings of apprehension and turning them into anticipation. I'm giving myself permission to take this semester, this year, this entire program one day at a time. I'm allowing myself to be open to possibilities, whatever they may be. I'm on this path for a reason, and I'm going to embrace it with joy and pursue it with hope.

On a side note, it is my intent to continue blogging while I'm in school. However, if life gets hectic and this little space gets quiet, I'd love to connect with you via Twitter and Instagram.


Have a good week, friends. Stay warm out there!