MY Voice

Mt. Roberts, Juneau, AK
//Jul2013

I've written before about the struggles of being a Millennial, my complicated relationship with my generation, and my anger with how we're portrayed in the media. So when I read an article this week about the "100 Things Every 20-Something Needs to Realize," it had me seeing red. Really, I should have known better---listicles about twentysomethings almost always get under my skin. I realize that the majority are written in good fun, but something about the overgeneralization just bothers me. But for reasons unknown, my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to click. I was almost immediately sorry that I did.

The article, if you can even call it that, was idiotic at best and offensive at worst. While many of the items on the list are painfully generic and sophomoric stereotypes (and certainly eyeroll-worthy)  a few actually made me grit my teeth with rage. To spare you from actually having to read the article yourselves, here are a few highlights: 

(Note: The original quote is bold, my thoughts are italicized.)

3. Shaving is more than a suggestion. That goes for both men and women. Or, we could stop judging people based on the amount of hair their bodies produce or assigning a person's value based upon physical appearance.

4. If you eat enough pizza,  you will turn into a tub of oily cheese. Or, we could stop judging people based on their food choices. See also: LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING.

19. The way people see you is just as important as the way you see yourself. Or, you could just be confident in who you are.

34. If you can get her in to bed by date 3, then you'll get bored with her by week 2. So, if a woman has sex too early in a dating relationship (by the author's standards) she's a slut? Doesn't it take two to tango? 

43. If you're feeling shitty, get some exercise. Yes, exercise is a beautiful thing, but I'm fairly certain it won't solve all of the world's problems.

50. You should live in New York City for at least a year. How is this even logistically possible? Do we all take turns? Are rent scholarships available?

57. Make mistakes now. Making them later will be too late. Won't "later" still be our "now," just...later? Maybe reading this article was my first mistake.

82. Slow and gentle will always get her off. Rough and intense only works on occasion. How scientific is this statement? Was there a survey? Did mine get lost in the mail?

89. You don't have ADD. Yes, actually. Some people do. 

90. You're most likely the cause of your own depression. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. 

Perhaps this article was meant to be satirical, and I'm taking it far too seriously. Perhaps there was a disconnect somewhere and I just didn't understand tone of piece. Or, maybe this is exactly what the author was going for and my reaction was the intended effect. The context of the article suggests that the author is privileged, heterosexual white male, but I don't want to generalize. He is entitled to his opinions, views, and beliefs, and has every right to voice them. 

But so do I.

So, why am I letting a stupid article like this bother me so much? Many would say that this transparent cry for attention doesn't even warrant a response. And they're probably right. But if this prejudicial voice can be heard, so can mine. This so-called "Voice of Generation-Y" certainly does not speak for me. And I want my voice heard. I want blogs like Live Inspired and The Militant Baker to be heard above the din of articles like this, blogs that promote positivity and openness, advocacy and community. 

With articles like this floating around the Internet and getting attention, it's no wonder that my generation is viewed the way it is. I'm so sick of it. Stop generalizing. Stop equating individualism with narcissism. And for the love of god, STOP TRIVIALIZING DISABILITIES AND MENTAL ILLNESS. 

I realize my voice is just one of millions. I realize this blog post is just one of millions. I realize that others have said what I'm saying louder and stronger and more eloquently. But I want to add my two cents. Because if I raise my voice, and you raise your voice, together we can be heard over the stereotypes. And maybe, just maybe, history will remember Generation-Y/Millennials/Me Generation as a generation that stood for equality and acceptance, peace and creativity. Maybe I'm just waxing poetic. But maybe, just maybe, I'm right. 

I can't wait to find out.

What are your thoughts on these types of articles? Are they offensive, or all in good fun?

Happy Birthday, Dad!

For sharing my sense of humor and sarcasm, instilling in me a love of beer and baseball, and always encouraging me in my many pursuits, I am forever grateful. 

Love, Goose

Hello, November

I'd fully intended on writing this oh, 11 days ago, but tech week (and pre-tech week, as it were) took over and it just didn't happen. As a result, I will be spending the next few days catching up on laundry, grocery shopping, and with my codependent relationship with Netflix. The fleeting days of October were lovely, but I'm excited to be in the month of my favorite holiday. I absolutely love Thanksgiving! It's terribly gray and snowing here in the Mitten today, so it's nice to have a day of copious amounts of food and Planes, Trains, and Automobiles to look forward to.

I spent the last weekend in October at Western Illinois University visiting the fabulous Arielle  and taking in her MFA show, Noises Off!. She was obviously amazing, and it was just an added bonus that she was staring in one of my favorite plays. When Arielle wasn't performing, we watched Will & Grace and laughed our asses off. It was so refreshing to spend time with some of my closest friends, and it really reminded me just how much I miss Arielle and Darion.

Photo courtesy of Morgan

The following weekend brought our Halloween celebration. When your friends are theatre kids, Halloween is a big effing deal. Everyone's costumes were awesome, and Kyle and I won Most Creative for our Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme. (Obviously, we weren't going for Most Topical. Are we ever?) With Kyle as Mike Nelson and myself as Tom Servo, we made snarky comments all night to keep in character. But really, that isn't anything new. I don't think we'll ever top last year's costumes; however maybe one of these years our attire will actually be topical. (But knowing us, probably not.)

Tom Servo & Mike Nelson

In this season where we put extra focus on being thankful, I look back on the past few months and am so grateful for where I've been and where I am now. These next few months will undoubtedly bring more changes, both expected and unexpected. And while I have moments of apprehension, I'm so ready for this next chapter to begin. 

Bring it on. 

Behind Shadows

The summer before Kyle and I graduated from college, he started writing a play. It was a tale of love, loss, and time travel (of course). He worked on it for months; excitedly filling me in on plot developments and reading dialogue each evening when I stopped by his apartment after my summer job selling tee-shirts. Although he had no prospects of getting it published or produced, he poured his heart and soul into his writing. While the script was eventually finished near the beginning of the fall semester, it would sit in a file on his computer gathering cyber dust for the next few years.

Fast forward to the first weeks of 2012. Kyle and I had both graduated, gotten married, and were living downtown. In an effort to combat the winter blues, I decided to participate in an event at the public library called History Detectives. There were a variety of presentations throughout the day, each regarding notable historical people, places, and events in the Grand Rapids area. One such presentation touched on the Sanford House, a beautiful mansion at the end of our street in Heritage Hill. As it turns out, this house that we walked our dog past every day had quite the history--famous owners, mysterious fires, rumors of hauntings. When I offhandedly mentioned to Kyle what I'd learned, he inexplicably became a man obsessed. He spent hours in the library archives, scouring the Internet, and talking with Heritage Hill historians, researching the house, its former occupants and all he could about their lives. 

Eventually, Kyle pulled out his old play and completely reworked it. While keeping true to the original tale of love, loss, and time travel, the script was completely transformed with his research into the Sanford and historical Grand Rapids. The final result was Shadows at the Sanford, the story of newlyweds Alan and Eliza Callaway who time travel to turn-of-the-century Grand Rapids and meet prominent residents of the Sanford, John and Katherine Blake. With multiple rewrites over the next year and a half, he was finally satisfied with the play. And this time, it was going to see the stage. 

Through our involvement with The University Wits, Kyle was given the opportunity to not only see his play staged, but also to direct it himself. It has certainly  been a collaborative effort. Our friends, family, and the local theatre scene have worked so hard to get this show off the ground. I'm so, so proud of everyone. But I'm especially proud of Kyle. His passion for this show and the story it tells is unwavering. In some ways, Shadows at the Sanford is the story of Kyle and I: the life we live together, and the life we hope to. 

Tonight is Opening Night, and I'm so excited to be there at Kyle's side. 

If you're in the Grand Rapids area this weekend, we would love to see you at the show. Shadows at the Sanford runs November 7-9 at 8:00 p.m. and November 10 at 3:00 p.m. at Dog Story Theater downtown. Visit the Dog Story Theater website for details and ticket information. 

Break legs tonight, cast and crew! And thank you. You're making dreams come true. 

Entirely Discontent

Grand Rapids Public Library
//Apr2008

Recently, one of my favorite authors Neil Gaiman gave a lecture on the importance of libraries and how reading can be transformative to society. Mr. Gaiman so eloquently articulated my feelings on my love of literature and the importance of literacy. Since my grandmother taught me to read at the age of 4, I've devoured nearly every book I could get my hands on. Throughout my childhood, teenage years, and into adulthood I've spent countless hours in libraries; running my fingers over book spines, peering at covers, and inhaling the intoxicating smell of ink on paper. 

In the pages of books, I've traveled to faraway lands: Oz, Narnia, Fantastica, Wonderland, Middle Earth. I've inhabited a little house in the big woods, meditated with monks in Shanri-La, and made Boo Radley emerge from his house. I've learned about faith, romance, and what it means to be human. I've shed tears for wizards, followed cold-blooded killers, and grieved for a little prince, a wise spider, and a best friend in Terabithia. I've lived many, many lives and allowed my mind to soar to places I'd never dreamed. This has been both a blessing and a curse. 

Mr. Gaiman said it best: 

"Fiction can show you a different world. It can take you somewhere you've never been. Once you've visited other worlds, like those who ate the fairy fruit, you can never be entirely content with the world that you grew up in. Discontent is a good thing: discontented people can modify and improve their worlds, leave them better, leave them different."

For so long, I cursed these feelings of discontentment. My life was predictable and comfortable. I was grateful for my fortune, but also longed for something more. Despite knowing change was possible, I'd relegated myself to a lifetime of discontented monotony due to an imagined sense of duty. However, I've learned that you can only remain discontent for so long before feeling like you're going to explode. 

A few short days after I'd resigned from my job, I had a revelation. I'd spent years with my nose in a book, searching for answers, dreaming of adventure, and longing for new beginnings and new chapters. Laying on the shores of Lake Michigan with a book in hand, I suddenly realized that I'd had the answer within me all along. 

"Be a librarian," my heart said, because somehow it's always known.

Last week, I received my acceptance letter to Wayne State University's School of Library and Information Science in Detroit. In January, I will start online classes to obtain my Master's degree. I'm going to be a librarian. I want nothing more than to share my love of literature, libraries, and literacy; not just because it's something I'm passionate about, but because it's something that deeply, deeply matters. 

I'm nervous about the rigors of grad school, balancing classes with life and work (hopefully), and the bouts of apprehension that are sure to occur. But in my heart, I know this is right. I'm so thrilled to be given the opportunity to pursue my passions and further explore my love of the written word. Though the rest of this story remains to be written, I'm so thrilled to have a new beginning. 

A Few Things

With all of the changes in my life recently, it only seemed appropriate that my blog should receive a much-needed update as well. Thanks to Carrie Loves Design I feel like the design of my blog finally reflects my personality. Carrie was phenomenal to work with and had my design installed within hours. I am so pleased with how it turned out. Seriously, I'm in love. 

Along with the design face lift, you may have also noticed that I changed the name of my blog from life is (grand) to Just Grand. The content will remain the same; I just feel like Just Grand better exemplifies the direction I want my blog (and writing) to go. And honestly, the grammar fiend in me hated all of the weird punctuation going on in the former name. 

I'm also trying to branch my writing out to other sites. Eventually, I would like to be writing for a variety of websites. I've always loved to write, but recently I started thinking (again) that it might be something I would like to do on a more professional level. I know this will be an ongoing endeavor, but I'm working on putting myself out there and networking more. 

On that note, the first article that I've written since college appeared last week on The Awesome Mitten. I'll be honest, I love seeing my name on a byline again. If you're interested in reading the article I wrote about Dog Story Theater and its impact on the local GR theater scene, click here.

Today I'm off to Illinois to see Arielle, my college roommate, perform her MFA project Noises Off. I'll miss Kyle, but I'm looking forward to spending time with Arielle and Darion, who I don't get to see that often, as well as Morgan and Max, who I do. Oh, the shenanigans to be had!

Have a lovely autumn weekend, friends. 

25 Redux

Last weekend I celebrated my 26th birthday. Or as I like to call it, the first anniversary of my 25th birthday. (That's a thing, right?)

Celebrating our birthdays together.
//Oct2013

Twenty-five was certainly a year of personal growth and discovery. I set out to live more fully, to conquer fears, and to become a better person. While in many ways this year was an uphill climb, the good outweighed the bad and I can definitively say that I am far stronger now than I have ever been.

To mark the occasion, I'd originally set out to compile a list of 25 lessons I learned while I was 25. Instead it came to include not only what I learned about myself, but observations, accomplishments, and memories of the people I love most. This past year may not have always been easy, but it was certainly worth the journey.

Make yourself comfortable and be sure you have a full cup of coffee, this may take awhile.

:25:

:1: In my daily life, I realized that I crave autonomy and variety while still thriving on routine and a sense of order. I need to pursue careers and activities that foster this and stop trying to force myself to be someone I'm not. 

:2: I've finally reached a place where I am comfortable, dare I say confident with my body. Thanks to body-positive blogs like The Nearsighted Owl and the writings of Lesley Kinzel, I've embraced the idea that my body is just that--mine. I don't need to present myself in any certain way to appease anyone else or fit into society's standards. 

:3: Physically, I'm the healthiest and strongest I've ever felt. Running on an almost daily basis has taught me discipline, endurance, and how to push beyond my limits. When I'm running, it's just me, the sidewalk, and the music in my ears. It helps me think, elevates my mood, and boosts my creativity. I may not be the fastest and I will probably never run a marathon, but I will be forever grateful for the strength and confidence it has given me.

:4: On a somewhat superficial note, I bought a bikini this year and actually wore it to the beach. Do I have what society would define as a "bikini body?" Not even close. But thanks to :2: and :3:, I told society to suck it. I wore a bikini because I wanted to wear a bikini, dammit. 

:5: On a similar note, I decided that I was tired of blending in. My entire wardrobe doesn't need to just be shades of brown and gray. Bring on all the colors of the rainbow! Yellow skinny jeans? Yes, please!

:6: I joined a community orchestra and brought making music back into my life. When I'm playing the violin, my mind is completely free and focused. In real life I'm constantly multitasking, my mind constantly jumping between a multitude of thoughts simultaneously. But when my eyes are reading the notes on the page, my mind is solely focused on translating those notes to music through my fingers. It is so freeing to be focused on one thing.

:7: Through my involvement with The University Wits, I've been involved in more theatre (both onstage and behind-the-scenes) this year than ever. Few things elevate my spirit like making people laugh, and I was fortunate enough to make entire audiences do so multiple shows per week. 

:8: Alaska. Oh, Alaska. This beautiful adventure swept me off my feet to the West and will forever make me yearn for a horizon lined with mountain peaks. Alaska was the catalyst for giving myself permission to choose happiness and gave me the courage to take that leap. The Last Frontier with always, always hold a special place in my memories, and in my heart. 

:9: Shortly after returning from Alaska, I broke. I know now that this was a blessing in disguise. (Hindsight is truly 20/20.) However, I also know that I will look back on those few weeks at the beginning of August as some of the darkest of my life. Not only did I not want to get out of bed every morning, the crushing weight on my chest made it almost impossible. I felt broken beyond repair and was certain I would feel this way forever. 

:10: But in the midst of this storm, I prevailed. I learned that I'm resilient and that I am far stronger than I (or anyone, really) give myself credit for. With the constant support of Kyle, my parents, my closest friends, and my therapist, I was able to pull myself out of the deepest depression of my life. 

:11: I am continually learning that recovery from depression and anxiety is an ongoing process. It doesn't happen overnight and there will always been blue days. Depression and anxiety should not be equated with brokenness and weakness. There will be bad days and that's ok. I'm learning to not fight that, but also to not let it steer me off-course. 

:12: Calm body, calm mind, calm heart. I try repeat this to myself when I feel a wave of anxiety coming on. I've learned that if I can just catch my breath and have a moment of clarity, there are other things I can do that will quell the panic: drinking water, walking outside, listening to my aptly-titled "Don't Panic" playlist. If I can calm my body and mind, my heart is sure to follow. 

:13: Being true to myself, my needs, and my passions is not being selfish. The Boss said it best: It's your heart that holds your fate. So often I look outside of myself: for approval, for acceptance, for answers. But more than likely, those things that I search for are held inside of me. And I'm learning to trust myself above all.

:14: I've also come to realize that I am an introvert. While I enjoy going to parties or out to the bar, love being around my friends, and don't mind occasionally being the center of attention, I also find these things emotionally exhausting. When I need to recharge, I need to be alone. I've always known this about myself, but I just recently accepted that it is not a personality flaw. It's just who I am.

:15: I've defined spirituality on a personal level and its meaning for my life. In the words of Hushpuppy, "I see that I'm a little piece of a big, big universe, and that makes it right." Indeed.

:16: I began identifying as a feminist. I'm unsure why it took me all this time to embrace the not-so-radical idea that women (or any person, for that matter) should not be forced to conform to social and societal stereotypes or norms. We should all be free to live our lives and make our own choices, without pressure to act or look or dress or speak or think or be a certain way. This should not be an earth-shattering concept; however, it is one that I am proud to support.

:17: Direction and vision, two things that have been missing (or at the very least misplaced) are slowly but surely returning. For so long, I felt like I would always feel stuck. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who I am, and have an idea of what I want and where I want to be. 

:18: I took the biggest leap of my life and quit my well-paying, full-time job in search of fulfillment rather than a false sense of duty. No prospects. No clue. Just free. 

:19: With my newly found vision (and free time), I applied to grad school. When I graduated with my bachelor's degree, I swore up and down that I was done. Not only did I not want to continue on to a Master's, I didn't have the foggiest idea of what I would pursue. Now over three years later, I've done a complete 180. It feels so right. (But more on that later.)

:20: After a indeterminate hiatus, I've been doing a bit of creative writing. Years of writer's block ended and I have ideas for stories floating in my brain and words flowing through my fingers. The going is slow, but it feels so good to be writing consistently again, both creatively and on this blog.

:21: I rekindled my love for a good cup of coffee, the fiction section, and having long hair.

:22: These guys.

Photos courtesy of Chuck, Gyllie, & Victoria.
//Summer2013

This year, I have truly learned what it means to have a chosen family. 

:23: These guys.

Photo courtesy of my sister, Svet.
//Aug2013

My family family. They are behind me 110%, no matter what. Always. I would not be where I am or who I am without them.  

:24: This guy.

Alaska <3 br="">//Jul2013

Forever and always.

:25: I set out to live my twenty-fifth year to its absolute fullest, to live with purpose and intention. In many respects, I succeeded. The happiness, sadness, joy, and pain that I experienced in this past year have shaped me and molded me into a more confident, stronger person. The road ahead remains uncertain, but it is also an ongoing lesson in embracing the journey. And that's exactly what I intend to do.

Here's to yet another trip around the sun. 

Thank you for reading, friends.